I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
