I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
