take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
there is glitter all over my balls
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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