I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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