I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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