Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
