I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
