I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
