I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
