Plan B is the new Plan A
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
