It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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