According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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