found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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