After last night, I could never be a politician.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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