What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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