This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
