My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
