Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
