$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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