Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
