My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
