i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
