Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
