i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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