There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
