So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
