He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
