The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
