Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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