dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Panties = found
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
