i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
