He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
