i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
