Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize