bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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