Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
