people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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