I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
