hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
