4 words: hood of his car
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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