The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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