Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
