I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize