I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
