I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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