she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
