I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize