the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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