Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
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