Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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