you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
