possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
