just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
