Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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