The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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