i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
