last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
