when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize