i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
