I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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