she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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