I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so let's talk penis.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
