I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
