She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize