So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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