when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
