why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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