I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Randomize
