Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We're using joints as your birthday candles
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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