btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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