I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
