Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize