You're completely useless in the revolution.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
