Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
me + whiskey = a bad person
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
