Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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