My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
