She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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