i may or may not be watching the land before time
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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