I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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