she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
