He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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