i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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