i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize